God...am on my knees tonight..begging..please
give me death...make my heart stop..n let my blood seize..

cuz this night i am all ready..just b sure
after me..u would take care of everyone..n wont be punishing anyone for being so pure..

i really really want it now..oh u immortal
please pity..don't leave me living yet dying..for once kill this mortal..

and if u ask me a reason strong enough
il tell u the truth..i tried being tough...

but i found myself soo weakly..when i saw her today
when in someone else's company she was all happy n gay...

and i questioned myself..y do i have to care..y all the anguish
wish someone had the answers..i can only wish...

she sat there..holding his hand..glad she seemed
and i thought that hand was only for me..i could have never dreamed..

dreamed..that a person will come past me.. n hold her close
and never dreamed u would allow anyone to cum close except me..to the sight..i froze..

and today u pressed my ailing nerve..by what all u did
but i still pray that nothing goes wrong with u.. god forbid..

instead i wana ask god to take my living
cuz den she wont b troubled..i wont b troubled..it will b soo relieving..

just that i cant take my own life..that is the fix
cuz i have my lil sister..she's so young..n that's the conflict..

sooo i pray tonight before going to sleep
give me rest..make me go to a slumber..eternally deep..

i don't wana see her...i don't wana see myself like this
and hope listening the reason..u would grant my wish..n my case u will dismiss..

5th dec!

Promises!

Ah..u Promised..i still remember
that we'l be together forever..

and you'l always be holding on to me
because i was a part of u now..of your love..such was the degree..

n yaa u promised that u cant ever leave..u cant ever part
because u loved me more then i did..we can never be world apart..

the promises which you made...you did u make?
if you didn't mean them..y did u make me believe..y were u fake..?

and these promises soo easy to make..so hard to keep
i heard it soo many times..u promised..it was not as if u were asleep..

ever thought about the person who lived by your promises..n for your love for u it was just a mistake..but for me a call from above...

because i thought u knew it well..that i was living for you
i never knew that you'l tear my heart ..n in the end ask me to myself sew..

u told me soo many things..soo many promises made
then y didn't you come up 2 me..y were you soo afraid..

each second am reminded of all the false promises..yes they were all lie..
and each moment i bleed at your sight..i just cant take it anymore..i wana die..
because all of it was a lie
a 1 big lie..
Ah...your Promises!

3rd dec!

U seem to have erased me from the pages of ur life
am here at the same page where u left me..wid my luv soo in rife...

U seem to have buried all the memories of us together
n each day i get up..i tell myself..no use living ..I'd die rather..

The time i remember when we were walking down the street..alone
u held my hand tight..n in ur eyes i cud see the luv..which nw has been overthrown..

n those moments when u n i were together at my place
we kissed..n i blankly stared..such was ur grace..

if i sit down 2 rite the memories tonight..it'l take me a life time
cuz maybe we weren't together for very long...but the luv ws intense...on me it climbed..

baby u remember the time when i asked u at the mall
that if eva u'l forget me...n u were thinking...but
i replied my own question..dat u cant forget me at all..

i regret it now...maybe i shouldn't have answered that question of mine
cuz i neva got 2 noe wts on ur mind.. ..probably den only u wud have declined..

n now each morning with a tear in my eye
i turn the pages ..n hope u would come again..n pen the blank pages..endlessly i cry...

1st december!

This lyf of mine which i am living
want it 2 end..cuz cnt live 2 hear her misgivings...

she tells herself she made a wrong decision
she probably neva saw it thru my vision

n nw iv left wid no choice 2 believe
bt wt am afraid..dat she'l wrongly perceive..

cuz i got no debate to defend myself now
if onli i cud do smthn..question is how..

remembr the time wen i told u..that it really hurts if u stumble in love
dat was way bfore u luvd me. i ws afraid den 2...bt neva knew u cud really shove me off..

the things u told me..dat it ws not love...cuz u said u knew
i duno wt 2 say ..cuz u say it ws an illusion..nw frm which u withdrew..

i know i shudnt b selfish....n shudnt demand of smthn i neva had
bt probably u neva knew wt u cud hav done..tried..den i wouldnt hav been so sad..

u'l say u tried..i wont disagree
bt plausibly u tried by changn urself...which i neva wntd 2 see..

u were guilty..u stated..of nt loving me
n here i ask god..wt abt me..whu luvd u mre den boundless sea..

i really wish u wud think bout wt it was being together
was it really unpleasant..like a stormy weather..

i noe its wrong to impose urself on sum one
bt if dat sum1 is everythn fo u..sum things surely can b undone..